There are chances that you may lose friendship after marriage. Unless you are one of those lucky people to have married inside your friend circle wherein you & your spouse share the same circle more or less, you may find it a tad bit more difficult than before to continue maintaining your cherished friendships after marriage.
Okay, let’s be honest, even marrying a friend can make ‘maintaining other friendships after marriage’ seem like a task.
This happens because marriage brings along with it a long list of changes, added responsibilities, shifts in priorities, a new need for adjustments, & whatnot!
Understanding that it is normal for you to want to make the process of maintaining your friendships after marriage easier is step number one.
It is natural to not want to lose out on the people important to you, to not let cracks develop in your friendships & to ensure your strong friendships last long even after marriage.
There are some practices you can inculcate & indulge in, in your day-to-day life, to make friendships easy to maintain after your marriage. Let’s look at a few of them!
Ways to Avoid Losing Friendships after Marriage
1. Identify your friends
The people that you associate with as a single person may not necessarily be a healthy association after you get married. Remember one thing, negativity can ruin relationships.
Some people can become toxic around you after your marital status changes. You need to be careful of what you allow yourself to invest your time & energy in. Make sure you know who is worth maintaining your connections with & who isn’t.
There are many ways to evaluate that, such as the following:
- Are they insecure or jealous? If a friend tends to show signs of jealousy when you are around or you talk about your spouse, it may not be a healthy space to indulge in. It is important to ensure that your friends want the best for you & are happy for you if you are happily married.
- Do you dread checking your phone? Does your friendship with somebody give you anxiety because they might have something negative to add to your day? Whether or not you are married, this is a person you must rethink your relationship with.
- Are you constantly having to prove the validity of your friendship with them? If a friend assumes things differently about you after you get married to somebody, it might be because the friend wants to live in denial about your changed priorities & wants to hear from you that they still have the place in your life that they always did. Once in a full moon, this may not seem like a big deal. But if this is a constant struggle you are having to put yourself through for a friendship to remain solid, then it may be time for you to reconsider.
2. Actively look for opportunities to stay in touch
Once you have figured out who you want to invest your time & energy in, the next step would be to search for ways to make these investments actively.
In our busy adult lives, especially after marriage, it can become tedious to manage so much at once. However, if you manage your time well enough, you may be able to strike the balance that you wish to. Here’s how you can make staying in touch easier:
- Invite your friends over: You may have a birthday celebration at home. You may have a festival coming up that you enjoy. Maybe you are shifting into a new house & would appreciate some help. Or maybe the occasion is just a cozy dinner. Having your friends over & spending time through these events is a great way to stay in touch as well as ensure that they feel included in your life just like they would be before your marriage.
- Plan a trip with your spouse, & include your friends: Having your spouse meet & get to know your friends can be a task that gets you nervous. However, a fun trip may help ease the tension, since anybody on a trip is there for fun. Inviting your friends for a trip planned by you & your spouse, or vice versa can work wonders for not only your friendships but also your romantic relationship with your spouse.
- Utilize the time you travel for work: If you spend time traveling every day, you most probably only spend it traveling. Instead, you can make a few calls here & there, & get to talk to your friends, if taking out any other time of your busy day is not easy for you.
- Use social media to stay connected: This includes everything – texting, audio messaging, video messaging, video calling, & absolutely whatever sails your boat! Make a group on WhatsApp & stay connected with many friends at once!
3. Practice thoughtfulness in friendships
The fact that marriage changes a lot is something you & your friends need to acknowledge & understand. Your dynamics with your friends do not need to change just based on your marital status, though.
It is important to acknowledge the fact that maintaining friendships after marriage requires more effort, more attention, & more intention as well. Moreover, friendship has always been a two-way street.
Both you & your friend should try to be on the same page when it comes to understanding your dynamics with each other. Communication is the key here. Communicate your thoughts & feelings with your friends. Let them know the difficulties you may be facing.
Let them try to make things easier for you if they can, which may involve giving you your space for as long as you need, connecting over specific events, days of the week, time of the day, etc., or reassuring you of your place in their life while you try to return the reassurance as well. Marriage or not, the two-way street remains.
- You may set reminders on your phones for important dates, to ensure you do not forget or miss out on plans with your friends.
- When a friend helps you through a tough time after your marriage, it is important to acknowledge their help & support. You must ensure that you do not show up only when you need help or support. Your friends deserve the love, support, reassurance, & acknowledgment that you deserve too, at all times.
- Set a few boundaries with your spouse. Let them know how you plan to prioritize your friends & pay attention to what is welcomed & what isn’t. After all, you must ensure a healthy marriage while you intend to maintain friendships. Striking this balance is important & will lead you to the best results.
- If you are unable to spend as much time with your friends as you would like to, after getting married, you do not need to feel overly upset about it. Instead, you must take into consideration the new phase of your life that has begun & learn to embrace it just as well as you embraced your life before marriage. Do not feel guilty for not being able to stay as much in touch as before. Marriage adds a lot to your plate, & it is understandable if it seems like a challenge to deal with all things at once. Take it easy, take it slow, & remember: No matter what, the right people will stick around & understand you.
In a nutshell…
Priorities of a newlywed couple go through various changes & transformations, & paying heed to friendships in such a condition can seem like a task. It is less likely for married people to be able to maintain healthy friendships compared to single people.
The phase of transformation in a newlywed’s life can induce feelings of loneliness, insecurity, or even guilt. Managing time & staying in touch in big or small ways is the key to avoiding friends drifting apart after marriage.